I was having lunch with a few friends the today, and the topic of dating and marriage came up. Just to understand the demographics of the group, there were 3 women including myself (mid to late twenties and early thirties.) One of the women is married. Then there was one male also mid to late twenties. We are all teachers and I feel, very open minded. After sharing all of our individual dating stories, our male friend shared that he has no interest of getting married. As the majority of you know I also share this same opinion. As I’m thinking of sharing a high five moment for the non-marriage side of the table, the other two women put their two cents in before I could even get there.
Woman 1: “I wouldn’t share that on the first date…”
Me: “You do probably want to let someone know that though so if that’s what they are looking for they can get out sooner.”
Woman 2: “Maybe you should open with that…If I heard that I’d wonder how bad your last girlfriend hurt you.”
Me (thought): Maybe a high five moment isn’t appropriate right now…
And here’s the moment that made me question things…
Woman 2: “You’ll only attract crazy women who want the same thing as you if you say that.”
Isn’t that the point? Am I really crazy for not thinking that traditional marriage is the way to go? Am I less of a woman because I don’t necessarily want to commit my life to one person? Granted I may feel this way because I’ve never been with anyone I could imagine seeing every single day but I also feel marriage is outdated. I don’t think every happy couple needs to get married to stay in a relationship. Marriage is not the binding factor to a relationship, it’s the people involved. Can anyone make a great argument for marriage that doesn’t involve the bible? Or an argument that doesn’t involve a princess dress and an expensive party for friends and family?
I’m not against marriage…for other people. If people want to do it, great! I love going to weddings, I love helping friends plan their weddings, I just can’t imagine being married. I told another male friend who was not part of this conversation about this situation. He made a great point: “No one should decide to get married and then search for someone to get married to. You should meet someone and then decide you want to get married.” Then he made me listen to Kacey Musgraves “Merry Go ‘ Round” (here’s the YouTube video of it http://
One of the lyrics is “We get bored so we get married.” Are we really still in a place that marriage and 2.5 kids is what we are supposed to be doing so anyone who doesn’t want that is just crazy? If I get married does that make me more sane? I feel we are a more progressive society than that.
I’m interested in hearing people’s opinions on this if they’d like to offer them.