“Do These Stairs Go Up?” (Part 2)

Back by popular demand…some of my “favorite” conversations with hotel guests. Part 2:

Guest: “How do I get to you?”
Me: “Where are you?”
Guest: “The parking garage.”
Me: “Go through the door…”
Guest: “Where is it?”
Me: “On the wall…the wall that’s attached to the building. Go through the door and you’ll find me.”
My thoughts: It scares me that I have to give step by step instructions on getting into a building…God forbid there is a fire and this gentleman has to get out of the building on his own.

Guest: “This hotel is louder than China!”
My thoughts: “WTF does that even mean?!”

Married Male Guest: “So are you gonna come up later and have a drink?”
Me: “Nope..”
Married Guest: “Will you come up if I call and tell you my TV is broken?”
Me: “Nope, based on this conversation you’ll have to tough it out if that’s the case.”
My thoughts: Seriously??

Douche bag wedding party guest (when I was blonde): “Hey Blondie…”
Me: “Nope, go back and try that again.”
My thoughts: These people shouldn’t be let out into the real world

Guest (via phone): “I’d like to make a reservation…”
Me: “Ok what dates?”
Guest: “2013…”
Me: “Ok…What date specifically are you looking to check-in?”
Guest: “June…”
Me: “What days in June?”
Guest: “I think that last week in June, maybe a Friday, what are the dates during the last week of June?”
My thoughts: Look at a fucking calendar before you call me…I swear to you I will hang up. This conversation happens probably once per week.

Guest (via phone): “Do you have any rooms available tonight?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I’m sold out. I have no rooms available.”
Guest: “What about something with a queen size bed?”
Me: “I have NO rooms available.”
Guest: “What about a suite?”
Me: “I have a maids closet and a couch in the lobby…I have no rooms available tonight. We are sold out.”
Guest: “I’m a parent of a student at School of Mines.”
My thoughts: Oh yes something just opened up… I was lying every time I said I was sold out. I’m going to hang up…


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