As I prepare to move, I have discovered many things about myself.
1.) As I age I find less reasons to hold on to crap I’ve deemed important to keep forever.
2.) You can find really embarrassing stuff when you are cleaning out your closets.
3.) Said “embarrassing stuff” can really be an indicator to who you have become…or who you thought you wanted to be.

An item I recently found was this little book from back in middle school or high school:

Yes…it’s a pre-Facebook stalking journal. If you read the whole cover you may throw up a little in your mouth like I did. Not only was I not even close to the type of girl when I bought this book, I sure as hell am not that girl now.

“Boys make great pets”- Can you imagine if “girls make great pets” was on a cover of a journal for guys? It would have been burned a long time ago by millions of women.

“I am way too pretty for just one”- I’m lucky to get one…and at the very least I do not have the time nor energy to date multiple men. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

“…if you have a boyfriend don’t bring him around me cause you won’t have a boyfriend anymore.”- Again this is too exhausting and scary. Have you ever encountered your boyfriends ex? It’s not a comfortable situation…even if they are on good terms.

Again, I think I wished this was who I was at one point (not sure why). If you’ve seen me interact with men you sure as hell know I never became that woman. You know those moments where you think “Hey, that man is attractive I think I’ll speak to him!” and then the dumbest shit that you’ve ever said comes flying out of your mouth before you can stop it. That’s pretty much every interaction I have with men.

Now let’s take a look at the inside of this lovely journal.

Here you are supposed to have some photo you’ve taken from behind the bushes (I’m assuming). Then you write down everything you know about them. A totally sane and rational thing to do.

Then on the next page using the scientific system they developed for the purpose of this journal. You rate various “traits” and then add them up to find out if he’s worth dating.

Oddly enough my boyfriend (yes,someone has found my ridiculousness/awkwardness endearing…at least for now) was the one who pointed out the flawed system that there is a 1 point difference between “If I pay you will you stop talking to me” and “I spy with my lil’ eye- A real fine GUY!” What if I scored a guy wrong? It could have ruined my life forever! I might have ended up marrying someone I accidentally gave a score of 40 to, when he really should have been a 39!

I had multiple pages filled out when I took a look into this journal. I remember all the “boyz” too. What the hell was I thinking. While my flirting skills have not improved with age…my taste in men has. Thank goodness!

Let’s face it though. This is Facebook before Facebook. Now, the people you want to stalk hand feed you all of this information. So much less work! Whew!