I’ve been “tribeless” for about two years. I have good friends who I see on occasion, but since I moved a little further away it is not always easy to get together with friends. Not only that, but people change and interests change so people gradually move on and find other people who align with who they are. I’m realizing you can have more than one tribe
I’ve started joining groups for interests that I have and have met great people. I’ve started a book club to bring people with similar interests together. I’ve realized that as an adult you have the luxury of hand picking your friends. Especially now with the connectedness of the internet you can find people who like the same things as you at the click of a button.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult but the older I get the more I realize who I want my friends to be.
These are my top must haves:
1.) They need to be able to laugh and not be hung up on appearances. Life is ridiculous, if you can’t life about the unbelievably difficult moments life is going to be that much harder on you. I love people who show up to work on a Monday morning with spilled coffee on their shirt, all technology broken, surprise meetings on their calendar and can say “fuck it,” laugh about it and go through the day the best they can with a smile on their face. Life is stressful enough, no one needs to add to their own stress by being pissed about the stress.
2.) They need to be honest with themselves about themselves. Be proud of who you are no matter who that someone is. Who you are is a choice and you should be proud of your choices, if not make different ones. I like to be close to people, I like to know people’s stories. Speak your mind, speak your truth.
3.) We can talk about nothing…for hours. This week I was able to spend time with potential new friends and old friends and I realized the beauty of those friendships. We can literally just sit and talk for hours about nothing of importance.
4.) They aren’t afraid of new things. There’s a brand new restaurant in town, let’s go try it! I don’t care that I can’t see Yelp reviews for it yet.
5.) They enjoy books, information, and learning. I love being able to discuss interesting topics with people who clearly have a love of learning like I do. I love learning from people who have read interesting things. I need to be mentally stimulated in my friendships.
6.) Open-minded. Judgmental is boring and easy. It’s easy to disagree with things you don’t understand instead of trying to learn about it. It’s less work to be judgmental. I love people who embrace the beauty of diversity.
Like I said, it’s hard making friends as an adult. I know I’m not the only one, because I’ve had this conversation more often than not with people my age. Be brave, find your tribe and choose wisely. You have the luxury of choice and the ability to connect.