I’ve been reading a lot of articles lately about dating and relationships. I came across this one on Forbes “The Return of the Spinster,” from 2015. This article was an interesting read and some of the information was valuable. The article mostly points to be Gen Xers and Baby Boomers being unmarried and childless. It does eventually circle around to Millennials and stating that it is too soon to tell if there is a marriage crisis or baby bust. I was interested in the topic so I went on a search for more information out there about Millennials and marriage. This is when shit got real and I almost launched my computer across the room, several times.
The first article came from the website Psychologytoday.com and the article was titled “Too Much Self-
Esteem May Be Keeping Millennials Single.” Let that sink in for a second. Millennials are also reportedly the most depressed generation in a long time, yet we may have too much self-esteem? I continued reading about how much self-esteem I apparently have and why it would prevent me from being in a relationship. The article is super patronizing so if you want to be real irritated, please read it. According to the article, Millennials were raised thinking they were perfect and that they only need to worry about themselves, that self-love is all we care about and we lack the ability to connect with other humans. First of all, speaking as a Millennial, I am very well aware that I am a deeply flawed human being. I know what flaws I need to work on and which ones, unfortunately, might be sticking around because that shit is rooted deep. I never in my existence have ever thought of myself as perfect and not needing to grow or change. I’m a fucking train wreck, I get that. I do not feel I am an anomaly because the people I’m closest to understand that about themselves as well. Secondly, I have formed some of the best relationships both romantically and platonically, some of which span 10+ years.
I continued to find more articles repeating the same information, over and over. “Millennials aren’t open to growth and change,” “Millennials aren’t open to criticism,” “Millennials aren’t compassionate or empathetic.” Apparently, this is why we are single. However, I keep thinking back on my own personal relationship journey. I ended relationships based on very important things, differences that could not be overcome. I wasn’t bored, I didn’t want something new, I would have worked on that shit until the day I died in any of my past relationships. However, they became very physically draining for me; it was stuff that couldn’t be worked on. I do not think it is too much to ask to want to be with someone who can be a good life partner and not settle for less. When you think back to the original purpose of marriage it was a business deal. There wasn’t choice; it was a negotiated deal by your parents. Women didn’t work, their parents were over supporting her so they needed to find someone who could. Fast forward to now, women work. Women hold high-salaried jobs and can take care of themselves. They don’t need someone to help them survive. Marriage is something entirely different now. We don’t need marriage we either want it because we’ve met some amazing human being we want to build a life with or we don’t want it because we haven’t yet. And you know what? That’s ok. It’s not a Millennial fuck-up, it’s just the way life has changed.
Sure, maybe there are a few Millennials who fit this very general stereotype, but I’m really tired of the blame game. We all come from different backgrounds and we have experienced life differently, we are not all going to be exactly the same. We are not all socially incompetent and self-centered. Everything we do is not necessarily a generational flaw; it’s just how life has progressed.
Note: My website is moving soon. I will continue to post here for awhile as well but if you would like to keep up with me, check out the new blog “Confessions of a Likely Spinster“