The great thing about teaching 5th grade is they have active imaginations. The bad thing about teaching 5th grade? They have active imaginations. As I previously posted, they are obsessed with my dating life or what they believe my dating life should be like. Since I give them very nonspecific answers about my dating life, they have crafted their own version of my dating life. We’ve also been reading Shakespeare, which I think adds to their creativity. Here’s the current story with some embellishments of my own…to fill their egregious plot holes:

A few weeks ago my computer was doing weird shit. Naturally, I had the tech guy come in and take a look at my computer. Unfortunately, for him, I and everyone involved he came in while my students were in the classroom. I exchanged niceties with him and explained the problem. As I turned back to my class, the looks on their faces said it all. They had begun crafting their story. After he left, several of them abandoned their work to begin explaining to me how I was clearly dating him. We were flirting so much because you know, “Hi,” is a pretty common flirtation.

However, a few days later I had lunch duty. During, lunch duty I was seen speaking to the 2nd-grade educational assistant. Obviously, this meant we had fallen madly in love. I had moved on from the poor tech guy (who didn’t know we were dating) and on to the next man…very quickly. Unfortunately, for this man he also came to speak to me in my classroom, causing a further uproar. Some students lamented the loss of the poor tech guy, while others had started planning the future wedding of Mr. L and me.

But have no fear, our story does not end here. Our music teacher is also a male. So no sooner had I moved on from the tech guy to Mr.L, I was now dating the music teacher. Our fast-paced relationship went straight to an engagement. We were clearly in love and destined to be together since our classrooms were so close. Pictures were drawn of our wedding day and our future children. Once again, though, this story does not have a happy ending either. Sorry, Mr.B.

No sooner had Mr.B’s and my wedding been planned, did the middle school math teacher, Mr.A, come into my classroom. Sparks flew when he asked me about document cameras. The music teacher was out. There was even a picture of Mr.B’s grave drawn (because obviously, the math teacher killed him out of passion). Poor Mr.A was assaulted by “ooohs” the second he set foot in my classroom. I had to then kindly escort him out of my classroom and politely explain that he was now my boyfriend. He laughed and apologized for coming in my room. I’m realizing as I write this, that this is also the story of when all the male teachers stopped speaking to me. 

So this is where we are currently. I think I may still be dating Mr.A…but I did make eye contact with a man on the way out of the school the other day so we might be dating now. I think that’s how this all works.