Transitions, Changes, and Searching for Creativity.

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I’ve been MIA from blogging and writing. Completely. There have been a lot of transitions happening lately and it has been throwing me off. All of which are incredible and I’m so grateful for, but I’m also trying to figure out my balance.

Teaching and trying to finish a master’s degree is incredibly challenging, throw in the fact that I’m also supposed to be gaining internship hours as an administrator and it all seems impossible some days. I finished my 2nd quarter and it wasn’t without tears. Luckily also during this time, I moved into a beautiful apartment with my boyfriend and best friend. He has been the emotional support I’ve needed during all this and luckily he makes me laugh more than anyone, without him I probably would have been a constant puddle of tears on the floor.

Most of my writing has been for school, which has been valuable for me but has lacked the creative I crave sometimes. As fascinating as I have found writing reports about the elementary school I work at and how it fits into pedagogy and where the gaps are, I have craved a more creative outlet. At the same time, I have felt like my creativity has been lacking. There hasn’t been anything pressing that I’ve felt I needed to write about. I’ve been happy, I’ve been stressed, I’ve been exhausted. So now that I have a month and a half break from school I’m trying to recalibrate and rebalance. I’m trying to force myself back into creativity.

As Jodi Picoult said, “You can always edit a bad page. You cannot edit a blank page. “

I’m fighting to find my voice again. The one that isn’t constantly citing sources and using other people’s ideas to back up my own. I’m writing bad pages and submitting them, even knowing full well they will be rejected. I’m sitting here forcing myself to write this blog post, knowing that I don’t love it, knowing that I think this is really just for me but that I will put it out there anyway. I keep thinking about the new blog I started months ago that has sat there neglected, even though I had lofty plans for it. I still do. I still have these grand plans for creating a space for the health and wellness of educators. So they can also remain creative and passionate and not burnt out and exhausted. This will come together hopefully soon.  Until then, I will continue to force myself to write and continue searching for my own lost creativity.

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